Marriage advice will in general be so genuine. Going through and building a time on earth with somebody. Therefore, we have collect different funny marriage quotes for newlyweds. There is a happy and exceptionally comical side to marriage.

Funny Marriage Quotes For Newlyweds

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.  Rita Rudner

If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.  Sigmund Freud

Funny Marriage Quotes For Newlyweds

Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.  Jerry Seinfeld

Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.  Ogden Nash

Marriage is a wonderful institution… but who wants to live in an institution?  Groucho Marx

No! Please don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids – eat them!  Homer Simpson

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about.  Oscar Wilde

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.  Billy Connolly

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. Prince Philip

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.  Ann Bancroft

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.  Mickey Rooney

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight all night.

This is fantastic advice because it is absurd! It will definitely help put things in perspective when that first post-marriage argument occurs. Most disagreements between spouses are about something trivial that was blown out of proportion.

Marriage is an ‘As Is’ deal. Do not try to change your spouse, that’s as good as it gets.

Always remember the three words, Let’s go out.

Funny Marriage Quotes For Newlyweds

Date night isn’t a thing of the past. Married couples that still date each other stay together. As a plus, these words may stop an argument or hide the fact that you forgot to make dinner like you promised.

Leave the toilet seat down. Enough said.

Women, don’t make a fuss if he does not cry. He just finds it hard to show that emotion.

Don’t think he’s gross if he farts; it’s just going to happen a lot and you have to live with it. And don’t think she’s pathetic just because she obsesses about her skin or nail paint colors. That’s just how men and women are.

These funny marriage quotes for newlyweds will surely add spunk in the relationship and bring the couple closer to each other.

Beauty fades and so will his eyesight. There’s no sense worrying.

Women want to look good for their spouses. Ideally, you want to look the same as you did on your wedding day. Thanks to his fading eyesight, you will! Whew. What a relief.

Marriage is all about give and take. You give him something to eat and you take some time to yourself.

Put the toilet seat up every once in awhile. He may think that you are considering his needs but throwing some confusion into his normal pattern may reverse the bad habit.

Make him something to eat. That will keep him quiet for a while.

Keep your man comfortable and well-fed. Remember, a happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.

You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves – ~ Toni Sciarra Poynter

When you dress up, dress up for yourself but dress up for your husband too. And put on lipstick.

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.- Ann Bancroft

Finally, before you marry him, listen to him chew. If you can stand that noise for the rest of your life, then go ahead with the wedding.

It’s a good idea to make a woman read these quotes before her wedding day. These cute and funny advice for the bride will make her glow with glee.

Secondly, the two best phrases to include in your vocabulary are, I understand and You’re right.

Talk to her and share your thoughts. Be best friends. She wants to hear your heart.

She needs you to cheer her on. Let her know you believe she can take on the world.

Funny Marriage Quotes For Newlyweds

If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.- Sigmund Freud

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates

Let her cry sometimes. She needs to.